For the Froot Loops in My Bowl

December 10, 2019

It was a Sunday morning and I needed to be at the church by 8:15 a.m. My alarm had woken me up three hours before, and I was in the process of making chocolate milks for the road, brushing the tangles out of my daughter’s golden-brown hair, and dressing my three-year-old, Titus, in an outfit that could weather his storm.

It was in between pulling his shirt over his head and hearing the microwave chime - notifying me that his chocolate milk was warmed and ready - when Titus asked me for some cereal. Specifically Froot Loops……

Who Stayed with the Supplies

November 26, 2019

As I read the story, I wanted to raise my fist in a victory pump to David’s response, because I had been staying with my supplies for nearly a decade already. And setting aside the fact that I’d fallen in love with Motherhood - I’d be lying to you if I haven’t experienced moments, days, or even seasons of deep discouragement……

If I Only... Part 2

October 08, 2019

Time is a trickster! It has this way of moving about in hyperdrive and in slow motion - all at the same time.

I’m aware that I have another 15 years until my youngest turns 18.

I’m aware that my hands are full and I’ve got quite a lot of mothering left to do!

I’m also aware that somewhere along the way, I blinked, and became this mother of four children! How and when did that happen!? (It feels like it was only yesterday when I was riding on the back of my boyfriend’s motorcycle and we were kissing by moonlight!)……

If I Only... Part 1

October 06, 2019

Hearing someone talk about their round at motherhood with a sad, faraway look in their eyes leaves my heart aching a little.

Regret does that though. It’s an emotion that Google defines as to feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).

And when you stop and think about it, we all (at some point or another) have experienced a missed opportunity. And those missed opportunities have the potential to weigh on us - heavily. And some carry the weight of regret around with them for years and years……

Honey, I Know You're Here

September 23, 2019

I felt like Brazil knew I was there.

And then life went back to normal, and I went back to working inside an office - up in the mountains of a city of more than half a million people.

I was once again, anonymous - except this time I felt lost in the quiet and wrestled with the feeling that no one knew I was there.

My once-exciting tasks after spending a week with the team, now seemed insignificant and mundane……

To Have Loved and Lost: Part 2

July 16, 2019

Pain is oftentimes the very process that God uses to produce fruit in your life.

Job said it this way: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:21)

And out of my deepest pain and darkest night, His brilliant Light shone through. His Peace permeated my pain and covered my heart like a warm, fuzzy blanket - fresh from the dryer. The covers of His Goodness and Grace settled around me, and I pulled them up to my chin. Hope and Joy whispered to my vulnerable heart that I was going to be ok……

To Have Loved and Lost: Part 1

July 14, 2019

I remember feeling numb for days - weeks even. I still awoke to my alarm, showered, and showed up for work, but I felt like I was living in a world of muffled noises and hushed voices. Food tasted bland, colors seemed dull, and the sun had lost its warmth. Concerned faces with sad eyes seemed to stare at me - wondering what to say and how to say it - with many opting to say nothing at all.

And to make it even more difficult, we had announced our exciting news very early on; so weeks after we had lost the baby, people at church were still approaching us - congratulating us on our news. It made for an awkward encounter (for everyone) when we had to painfully set the record straight……

Growth Lessons

June 20, 2019

They are called “Growing Pains” for good reason - because growth is oftentimes painful!

The truth is, we all want growth. We all want to have the flowers in “full bloom - with another five on deck.” But not all of us are willing to inspect our roots - and see what is rotting or rotten. Not all of us are brave enough to cut out the things that will kill us if we let them.

Yes, not all of us are wanting that type of pain……

Time By Myself, For Myself

May 18, 2019

The children hugged me goodbye and Jeremiah told me to “Have fun!” when he kissed me. As the kids were walking out the door, they asked me what I was going to do. I told them that I had no idea, but I was definitely going to jump on my bed! (They laughed at that and my husband told me to not break it!)

They backed out of the driveway and I waved them down the street. Once they were out of sight, I turned to walk back inside the house. I found it all too quiet for my liking. In fact, it was deafening. And in the silence, I reveled (minus the alcohol, of course).

I sat down on the couch in complete shock and could relate to the saying of feeling “like a duck out of water.” It had been more than a decade of being responsible to someone else’s needs - whether it was to my husband’s or my children’s. And now I was solely responsible to mine……

Lost in the Safe

May 08, 2019

I returned upstairs and continued my project of “Spring Cleaning” the hallway closet. A few hours later I returned to the kitchen to discover that the battery was fully charged! I held my breath as I took it out of the charger and returned it to the innards of the camera and pressed the power button.

It turned on.

I couldn’t remember how the function buttons worked, so after pressing a few I finally found the correct one - the “show me what I took” button…

The first picture had a timestamp of November 16, 2013 - 9:20 p.m. It was of my Mom and Dad - holding three-year-old Nathan and 19-month-old Josiah.

Tears instantly filled my eyes……