An Awkward Library Conversation

January 26, 2020

I didn’t catch his name, but he looked like a Travis. He came into the Odell Public Library and sat at one of the computers - three chairs down from me. And as he began to talk, I couldn’t help but lean into the conversation that was happening only 6 feet away.

Travis had waltzed into my right peripheral and greeted the boy across from him with, “If you hear me talking, I’m not talking to you.” It was more of an explanation than an apology.

He went on to tell the boy sitting across from him (let’s call him Brad) that he was going to message a girl. And his voice had a kind of sing-songy tune to it. It was heard over his very distinct lisp……

There's Grace for That

December 23, 2019

I recalled that I had slipped my grip on His grace - and was attempting to Supermom all on my own. When in fact, all I had to do was rest in the promise that His strength through my weakness was exactly enough.

My questions Am I doing the right things? Am I doing enough things? buckled under the weight of His gentle and comforting answer:

“There’s grace for that.”

For the Froot Loops in My Bowl

December 10, 2019

It was a Sunday morning and I needed to be at the church by 8:15 a.m. My alarm had woken me up three hours before, and I was in the process of making chocolate milks for the road, brushing the tangles out of my daughter’s golden-brown hair, and dressing my three-year-old, Titus, in an outfit that could weather his storm.

It was in between pulling his shirt over his head and hearing the microwave chime - notifying me that his chocolate milk was warmed and ready - when Titus asked me for some cereal. Specifically Froot Loops……

Who Stayed with the Supplies

November 26, 2019

As I read the story, I wanted to raise my fist in a victory pump to David’s response, because I had been staying with my supplies for nearly a decade already. And setting aside the fact that I’d fallen in love with Motherhood - I’d be lying to you if I haven’t experienced moments, days, or even seasons of deep discouragement……

If I Only... Part 2

October 08, 2019

Time is a trickster! It has this way of moving about in hyperdrive and in slow motion - all at the same time.

I’m aware that I have another 15 years until my youngest turns 18.

I’m aware that my hands are full and I’ve got quite a lot of mothering left to do!

I’m also aware that somewhere along the way, I blinked, and became this mother of four children! How and when did that happen!? (It feels like it was only yesterday when I was riding on the back of my boyfriend’s motorcycle and we were kissing by moonlight!)……

If I Only... Part 1

October 06, 2019

Hearing someone talk about their round at motherhood with a sad, faraway look in their eyes leaves my heart aching a little.

Regret does that though. It’s an emotion that Google defines as to feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).

And when you stop and think about it, we all (at some point or another) have experienced a missed opportunity. And those missed opportunities have the potential to weigh on us - heavily. And some carry the weight of regret around with them for years and years……

Honey, I Know You're Here

September 23, 2019

I felt like Brazil knew I was there.

And then life went back to normal, and I went back to working inside an office - up in the mountains of a city of more than half a million people.

I was once again, anonymous - except this time I felt lost in the quiet and wrestled with the feeling that no one knew I was there.

My once-exciting tasks after spending a week with the team, now seemed insignificant and mundane……

To Have Loved and Lost: Part 2

July 16, 2019

Pain is oftentimes the very process that God uses to produce fruit in your life.

Job said it this way: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:21)

And out of my deepest pain and darkest night, His brilliant Light shone through. His Peace permeated my pain and covered my heart like a warm, fuzzy blanket - fresh from the dryer. The covers of His Goodness and Grace settled around me, and I pulled them up to my chin. Hope and Joy whispered to my vulnerable heart that I was going to be ok……

To Have Loved and Lost: Part 1

July 14, 2019

I remember feeling numb for days - weeks even. I still awoke to my alarm, showered, and showed up for work, but I felt like I was living in a world of muffled noises and hushed voices. Food tasted bland, colors seemed dull, and the sun had lost its warmth. Concerned faces with sad eyes seemed to stare at me - wondering what to say and how to say it - with many opting to say nothing at all.

And to make it even more difficult, we had announced our exciting news very early on; so weeks after we had lost the baby, people at church were still approaching us - congratulating us on our news. It made for an awkward encounter (for everyone) when we had to painfully set the record straight……

Growth Lessons

June 20, 2019

They are called “Growing Pains” for good reason - because growth is oftentimes painful!

The truth is, we all want growth. We all want to have the flowers in “full bloom - with another five on deck.” But not all of us are willing to inspect our roots - and see what is rotting or rotten. Not all of us are brave enough to cut out the things that will kill us if we let them.

Yes, not all of us are wanting that type of pain……